I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
