you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
