Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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