your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
