Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
