Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
