No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
