I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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