After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
