I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize