Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my vagina is haunted
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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