roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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