I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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