at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
my liver is dry heaving
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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