I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
