apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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