So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
