did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
this just has baby written all over it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
