I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
