Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
