I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
