she looked like the before picture.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
