I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
