My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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