Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
