Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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