Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
