Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
