Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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