the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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