I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize