never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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