i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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