Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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