I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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