I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
