Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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