I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
