Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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