White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
honey bunches of taint.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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