My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
