well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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