Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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