A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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