im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
