The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
