Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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