I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
