That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
