once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize