One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize