you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
