So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
