She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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