What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
