I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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