Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
