brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
