Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
