She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
