It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
