Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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