I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize