If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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