He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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