the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
