I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
only if we run a train.
done.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
