Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
