I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
