talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
