you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize