OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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