god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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