Little spoons don't ask big questions
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
