Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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