I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
