there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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