hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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