I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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