We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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