im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
