she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
