Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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