so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
