i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
