Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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